he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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