I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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