I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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