I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
