My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
