I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I still have a little drunk in my system
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
