guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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