went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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