it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
