That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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