i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
