They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
