I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
