U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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