and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
