yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize