five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
