Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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