he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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