just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize