u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
are you so shy because you have an std?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
