Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
