Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
