I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize