She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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