Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
