i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize