Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
