You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
