the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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