He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize