Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
