Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
