your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
