i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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