Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize