He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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