I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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