She is in my trunk
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
