she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
