It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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