You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
