He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
