I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
