I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
