i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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