She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
