I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
