so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
