Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
