feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
