I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize