just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
