you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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