And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
