People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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