That's intense
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
