1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
