It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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