it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
