I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Randomize
