i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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