I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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