the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Four minutes until I can fart!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
