we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
